Sadly, Sixzo, I don't think people will understand at all. There are a lot of people who think they are in the same position: Being targeted, all the, quite frankly, insulting GG's that come from a single loss on your part, the drama that we come to the forums to see...except, no, you guys don't understand at all. Being blunt, here, this is likely why I've been on such an absence: Just waiting for that day that...something will change, because I can't stand it anymore.
You guys don't realize just how infuriating it can be for us when someone targets us, kills us, and then you can tell they had some sort of ego boost because they said "GG!" afterwards, often following up with them telling everyone they killed you. I mean no offense to anyone, I merely wish these kinds of things would change about people.
You guys think you may know the feeling, because, well maybe it's happened to you for the most part: But no, you don't. This will sound egotistical -- and maybe it is -- but whenever a "who's the best player" thread or "MCSG Legends" thread has come up, I've seen my name countless times; usually more than almost everyone else who was mentioned on the thread at all. (Except for other obvious ones that tend to have been prior to my presence: Egrodo, Sixzo, etc.) People know who I am. They see me close to the top of the leaderboards, with that shiny red tag, and one of the best W/L in the US, and close to one of the best internationally, too: All of this is great and all, but...people target me like crazy, and all it takes is some lag spike, one failure, one streak of bad luck, and people seem to get this idea that they are some fantastic player and brag about it for a while: Come on guys, look at how many times I've lost: That's about the amount of people who can brag they killed me in the games. Then you have the people from roxbot, Sixzo's PvP server thing now, and anywhere else I might have been seen...and who knows what issues I had in those places. (Roxbot's NCP last I checked had the problem where it thought everyone was aimbotting. I couldn't hit anyone. >.>)
...When you have one of the best W/L ratios, you want to maintain it. A single loss can be quite frustrating...especially when you lag out of games frequently now because your internet provider sucks.
...When it gets to the point that people seem to think they've earned some sort of rank for killing you, you dying to someone you know isn't actually all that amazing is quite frustrating.
...But you also know what's annoying? After a day of all this, we come back as staff members to do our job, and what do we get? Nothing pretty, that's for sure. Spending a half an hour catching a hacker, uploading the evidence, etc. Oh, let's look at the forums and see what fun- nevermind, just another "the staff is horrible" because someone was banned...*Looks at report abuse section*...so who's up to go deal with 23 reports? Anyone?
Don't get me wrong, either. I loved being a staff member, to help the community...it's just really demoralizing that for all we do, all we get is people talking bad about us, and this on top of my frustration from just a loss or two in game that I felt shouldn't have happened...I couldn't take it anymore. Probably all that kept me for so long was those people on here I really do enjoy talking to: The staff, in staff channels, where we goof off on plenty of occasions to keep ourselves sane from all the complaining that we have to deal with all day.
And even with all this being said, I bet you guys still don't understand...if only it were that easy for you guys to be able to put yourselves in the shoes of a highly leaderboard ranked staff member for a day...I can tell gravey4rd is in this position right now himself...at least for the games part, as to my knowledge, he's not actively reading the forums or on TS as much as some of the rest of us. (And there's not necessarily anything wrong with that.)
I can see a few people, as they read this post, saying in their heads "Wow, this guy can't even lose a game without losing his cool?" "He can't take a few "insults" like a man?" or something along those lines...and this is why it's so hard to make you guys understand. When you've been putting up with it constantly for this long... When you earn a "high rank", whether it be for staff or for the leaderboards, and you realize the community recognizes it... You can't help but feel insulted or frustrated at the little things, the little things that effect what you've worked so hard to earn. You can't help but get sucked into things and feel the pressure of your failure in your head...sometimes, people just don't understand how things are in the shoes of someone in that position, and until they are put into them, they never will understand.
Edit: I wrote this as if I was still a staff member. It'll take me a while to get used to, I guess. All still applies, though, as it's reflected my thoughts over the course of my time as a staff member.
