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Depression [My story/point of view]

Zable

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Hello people on the MCSG community, I have recently seen couple of cases of depression going around on here so I thought about giving my own personal experience in the situation as I have been into one. I will explain my story and how it all developed.

So back in 2013 I went to the USA to do an exchange year, nothing out of the regular line. I made friends as is not hard for me to be chill but I didnt get to be as friends, I dont know if I am explaining myself correctly, lets say the kind of friends that you laugh around and do stuff during school but not outside. So nobody called me during the weekends or barely. So the situation was I had a lot of spare time and what did I decide to choose? I decided to play MCSG because I absolutely loved it. Was it a bad choice or a good choice?Let me get into detail with this.

Yes, it was a good decision because I met really good people and I had a lot fun which is pretty much the point of this, and which people usually forget nowadays. So I did enjoy it. At that time soccer season just ended so I had even more spare time to play MCSG which was completely fine with me because of corse MCSG was fun. This lead into me playing 4-5 hours every day in school days and during weekends.

Yes, it was a bad choice because I got completely adicted to it and forgot about life, pretty much on a regular basis I would go to school go home, eat and then play MCSG until I went to bed and the same over and over. this lasted from around December 2013-June 2014 trough that time I met a lot of cool people online which made my days better as they were people I could talk to due to me not having anybody in real life to talk to. But I kept gaining weight due to me only playing MCSG and not going out or barely going out.

So we are now on June 2014 and of corse my VISA expired and I had to go back to Spain so I did. The situation did not improve there due to me not havking any friends, when I mean no friends I mean no friends. This was derivated from a problem that I had on 2012-2013 at my school where stuff happened. So what did I do trough the whole summer? Stay in my room palying MCSG of corse. But what was really going on is that I was fat af, ugly, 0 self steem, no friends and not really a reason/desire to go outside. And I think this is the situation in which one realises he has nothing to live for really and falls into a depression. Of corse I kept eating and eating because that was the only thing that made me feel better.

Around August 2014 my mom decided to take part on this and take me to a phsycologist which was really well played by her and I will thank her the rest of my life. After the first session the doctor decided to take away pretty much everything: My computer, my phone, tablet, tv..everything, so I was forced to go outside and do stuff.

Eventually school started and I met some old guys and established some of the old relationships so everything was going kinda forward. As I went to attend more and more these sessions my attitude was imrpoving and so did everything. Also something that really motivated me is that there was this girl that I liked but I did not have the self steem to talk to her so what I decided is to get in shape, work out, loose weight and all of that. So I started running because it is a good way to do it. And around january 2015 I was randomly talking to a guy in class and the running topic came on so we decided to set up a group to go out and stuff and that honestly changed my life. I met my best friends there, we were literally squad and as I am writting this I cant help but smile.

During the period from January 2015-June2015 I worked out as hard as I could and never quiting so the results kinda showed off. I lost 3 sizes of jeans which means around 12 kg ish and I was able to run 1 track in 35 minutes when at the time I started running it my time was 1:15h. Unfortunatelly the girl didnt work out but oh well couldnt careless.

Thanks to this I was able to focus more on my studies and able to get a schoolarship to go to College in the UK so Im pretty proud about that.

The whole point of this thread is to tell everybody out there who is depressed that there is a way out and that it starts getting off the internet and doing stuff outside. This way you will meet people and eventually have things to do with them, share moments laugh and such, that helps hell of a lot. REMEMBER YOU HAVE TO MAKE AN EFFORT. I know internet is an exit from your life, it gives you an excuse for the situation you are living, but you cant be living like that. The key thing for me in life is to always love yourself anfd be happy with yourself. If you dont like something just change it. If I did it so can you. The point of this thread is not to show off myself but just tell you guys my point of view on this whole situation. Hope it helped, feel free to PM me if you need anything.

As hax said music can help out a lot too I have some if you need some c:
 
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FjRI || Catty

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I think the hardest part is not getting sympathy and having to essentially make yourself better with minimal assistance
 

Zable

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I think the hardest part is not getting sympathy and having to essentially make yourself better with minimal assistance
to be happy you have to laugh pretty much so you have to go out and meet people, you will also be happy when you are in a relationship but thats is usually than just go out and do random stupid stuff with a couple of friends, Also you have to like yourself, if you have enough confidence you will achive bigger things.
 

Toast

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Thanks for the story! Although I STRONGLY disagree with your doctor's decision to take away those things; as that is a very very very bad way to deal with compulsion/addiction from pretty much any standpoint, I am glad to hear you were able to recover.

Honestly I suffered a similar thing, but the depression wasn't caused by my compulsion to come on here and be with the only people who truly cared; it was the other way around.

I was dealt a bad hand; being a trans girl, clinically depressed, having anxiety disorders, mild autism spectrum (formally known as asperger's syndrome), possibly ADHD, possibly mild OCD, and even more on the table as the months go by. I decided to delay every tragedy that came along with it until later on and ended up with it all falling onto me in the span of 18 months. I was stupid for delaying the inevitable and now I have scars I will have to live with for the rest of my life; both physically and mentally. I let the escapism that was coming here pull me in and it became an addiction. After that; it's blurry. All I remember was sinking deeper into that abyss before my abusive 9th grade biology teacher pushed me over the edge, sending me to the hospital for over 2 months.

I don't know how I did it but I eventually drifted away and found some small meaning in the hell that is my life. To quote the name of a game that was never finished; "Imagination is the Only Escape". I've devoted my life to exploring the human condition through art of any medium, and while I'm stuck I'm still pushing myself forward.

The key is to accept that you may never get better; to accept that this is who you are and build from there. You may tell yourself that you're worthless every day; but you can use even that feeling for something truly worthwhile. Every emotion is strong; use them to better yourself.
 
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Zable

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Thanks for the story! Although I STRONGLY disagree with your doctor's decision to take away those things; as that is a very very very bad way to deal with compulsion/addiction from pretty much any standpoint, I am glad to hear you were able to recover.

Honestly I suffered a similar thing, but the depression wasn't caused by my compulsion to come on here and be with the only people who truly cared; it was the other way around.

I was dealt a bad hand; being a trans girl, lesbian, clinically depressed, having anxiety disorders, mild autism spectrum (formally known as asperger's syndrome), possibly ADHD, possibly mild OCD, and even more on the table as the months go by. I decided to delay every tragedy that came along with it until later on and ended up with it all falling onto me in the span of 18 months. I was stupid for delaying the inevitable and now I have scars I will have to live with for the rest of my life; both physically and mentally. I let the escapism that was coming here pull me in and it became an addiction. After that; it's blurry. All I remember was sinking deeper into that abyss before my abusive 9th grade biology teacher pushed me over the edge, sending me to the hospital for over 2 months.

I don't know how I did it but I eventually drifted away and found some small meaning in the hell that is my life. To quote the name of a game that was never finished; "Imagination is the Only Escape". I've devoted my life to exploring the human condition through art of any medium, and while I'm stuck I'm still pushing myself forward.

The key is to accept that you may never get better; to accept that this is who you are and build from there. You may tell yourself that you're worthless, but you can use that feeling for something truly worthwhile.
The thing is that why would you tell yourself you are worthless, that just makes you go deep, this is a world in which there is always a person for you no matter who you are, the way you look, the way you dress, no matter what there is always going to be a person who is going to care about you and that is what is worth fighting for.

Calling yourself worthless when you are not does not make you happy, yeah you look in the mirror and you think you are worthless, then go back to sleep? No you have to live happy, force yourself to meet people share stories with them. Because whenever you find your true soulmate lets supose you have kids and eventually grandkids, what are you going to tell them? Yeah I spent my whole childhood/youth calling myself worthless?No!

I read this not long ago and it made an impact on me. Gotta have something to tell the grandkids, and it is totally true, I cant be more grateful for the friends that I have made this year, when during our senior trip we made so many memories that now we talk about them and smile and hope to make new ones.

What if I just called myself worthless and went back to sleep?None of this would have happened. You have to make the first move you have to realise what is happening and make an effort to change it.
 

hax

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The thing is that why would you tell yourself you are worthless, that just makes you go deep, this is a world in which there is always a person for you no matter who you are, the way you look, the way you dress, no matter what there is always going to be a person who is going to care about you and that is what is worth fighting for.

Calling yourself worthless when you are not does not make you happy, yeah you look in the mirror and you think you are worthless, then go back to sleep? No you have to live happy, force yourself to meet people share stories with them. Because whenever you find your true soulmate lets supose you have kids and eventually grandkids, what are you going to tell them? Yeah I spent my whole childhood/youth calling myself worthless?No!

I read this not long ago and it made an impact on me. Gotta have something to tell the grandkids, and it is totally true, I cant be more grateful for the friends that I have made this year, when during our senior trip we made so many memories that now we talk about them and smile and hope to make new ones.

What if I just called myself worthless and went back to sleep?None of this would have happened. You have to make the first move you have to realise what is happening and make an effort to change it.
deep
 

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